Eat, sleep, and write about poop...

I'd like to start by saying people please, yes I know I am awesome you want more stories but do remember I have a life, okay not really but I just can't write that fast.

I know that those of you who know Superpooper are wandering if I am going to put up your favorite poop stories, and believe me I intend to get every last one I can remember up as well as the new ones that happen once a week if not more!

So if you know her and have a particularly favorite story you'd like me to write about, just send me a message on Facebook and I'll get it on the list.

Never in a million years would I have guess that my writing would end up centering around poop, I guess it really has gone down the toilet!

You never know when you'll need that bargain!

It's a well known fact that most women like to shop. Some women are champion shoppers. Get up early in the morning, plan out your shopping route for the day, find every sale possible and buy things you may find a use for just because it's only a dollar and your saving forty dollars on it. Shopping can be a form of art, you would understand if you have ever seen one of these shoppers in action. I have had the torturious experience pleasure of being dragged invited on many of these shopping expeditions by none other than our very own Superpooper. Yes, Superpooper is also a Super-shopper. She can find the last cute thing left on a rack with hundreds of mismatched and sad looking items that no one will ever love, at a price that is sometimes unbelievable.  

None of these shopping skills, however, prepared her for the day of the 'incident'! It started out like any other normal shopping expedition. A deal here, a deal there. Store after store of picking and weeding through clearance racks for the best deals. Her stomach felt a little bit off and she knew she should head to a restroom soon but there were just so many deals to look at and she could see all the other vultures women that were there to scoop up the last of the good deals. Her stomach was just going to have to wait.

She was on quite a roll that day; a Nike jumpsuit for her nephew, some cute shirt and pant combos for her daughter and a few adorable baby outfits that couldn't be passed up, after all they could be used for baby gifts in the future. As she was reaching for the most adorable girl outfit for her niece she realized she could wait no longer and bolted for the nearest restroom. As she hurried toward the restroom she hoped and prayed that it was just gas. Oh please let it just be gas, she thought, because it was coming and there was no way for her to stop it.  Needles to say... it wasn't gas! Yes, right there in the middle of Younkers, of all places, (wouldn't Walmart have been more appropriate?) she had crapped herself.

Now most people wouldn't have a clue what to do at this point but, just like a champ our superhero, thinking with lightning speed discarded her soiled underpants and headed for the bargain racks in lingerie!

Don't be so dang corny!

Most of us learn as we grow older how our bodies digestive system works. We eat the food, it travels to our stomach and through our digestive track absorbing all those wonderful nourishing goodies we need to live and then of course we poop out what we don't need. Let's not forget the hilarious and embarrassing gas some poor saps experience throughout this process!

What a fascinating process (ok not really) but to most of us it is just a normal, non-eventful part of our daily lives. However, for a very good friend of mine who we will call, Superpooper, for the sake of keeping her superhero identity a secret, pooping is never an uneventful part of her day. In fact, much of her daily life is controlled by her butt!

So anyway, as I was saying, people eat then they poop. Normal, right? One night over dinner, (meatloaf, corn, fruit salad and biscuits in case you are curious) Superpooper was in a discussion with her husband and they were 'arguing' over how quickly food moves through your system. Superpooper insisted that her food moves right through her and she craps it out within hours of eating, hubby insisted food didn't pass through you that quickly. Who the hell fights over poop! Superpooper and her husband, that's who. Believe me, if you knew her you would understand!

Later that night...   Superpooper is getting ready for bed and heads to the bathroom to unknowingly prove her point to her husband! After she's finished, she wipes her butt... only to find a few kernels of corn from dinner on the toilet paper! Hey, some people look after they wipe!!